The snow a year ago

Dinner, family, friends what better way to spend an evening. Everyone is excited but also somber. I am delighted with anticipation of what the future holds. Well wishes of, “good luck!”, “You’ll do great.” , and “I love you, I’ll miss you.”, take place. Lots of tight warm hugs, laughter of memories shared, and long last glances before the night comes to a close.

Up early in the morning- had to catch a flight. Mom’s tearful goodbye, chokes me up. Best friend hands off a goodie bag, I say goodbye and head to the security checkpoint. Wave goodbye and pass through the X-ray machines. One last glance. Good bye…

Restless the whole flight through, unable to sleep, praying the plane doesn’t go down, the whole 12 hour flight. Whole flight the iPod played "Wicked," Defying gravity.

Land. (phew!) Snow is on the ground. It’s cold, but beautiful. I take a deep breath and realize- I am not getting back on the plane for a return flight for a really really long time. Reality hits. The same way it hits when you belly flop into a pool.
I am graced with a two hour nap. Then off to Ikea. It’s a mad house and I am in a daze. I am supposed to be picking out apartment goodies- but I have no idea what my apartment looks like. I just want to be in my bed at home, my home in San Diego. My home where I know everything, and everyone knows me.

That night, I get my one free phone call. It’s to my two best friends. Me, balling. Words, unable to come out. But all I could keep thinking was, “I moved here!!! Why didn’t I realize I was MOVING! No friends, no family, no place to live. Nothing. Just the faith that it was all going to workout, but even that was quite a small faith and hidden under the blanket of fear and reality telling me everything I love is very very far away.”

Somewhere between this long and very vivid day, A LOT has happened. I have traveled to more fascinating places than I ever dreamed, I have flooded my apartment, I have fallen on my butt (literally in my weekend market), met great friends, fallen in love with the Frencheis, had great friends come visit, gone sky diving, lived by myself for a year, learned a basic amount of French, planned and ran large conferences, learned to drive roundabouts, know where to find the pickles in my grocery stores, tried more cheeses and wine than I had ever even consumed in the previous 24 years of my life, I know the difference between the N7, A6, N104, rather than the 5, 405, 78. I have been able to be like a Parisian and reference locations based on their arrondissement, made a quiche, climbed the stairs to basically every tourist attraction, and mastered how to not look like a total tourist at all times- though I am sure I still always look American. I have learned to take a step back and breathe when it all seems impossible. I have re-confirmed that if you want something- to go after it, initiative in all things, is key. But- also to slow down and enjoy the day, enjoy life. Sometimes the best ways to spend the day, is with slow walks and a picnic lingering by the Seine.

I am so so so blessed. I cannot believe how quickly this year has flown by, and how many memories and lessons have been packed into the 365 days. I feel like the same girl I did one year ago, who was sitting blissfully unaware of all that was about to take place the next day, one year ago. Though I am sure that girl- wouldn’t recognize who I am today in many ways. What makes the difference between this day, and the one that took place one year ago?

I know that when I wake up tomorrow, the foreign country I will wake up in, though it once again has been dusted with snow as a remembrance of one year ago, is a place I have come to love and call home.