Visible

Living here in France there are many ups and downs. Many days I live a life that seems straight out of a dream and I expect to wake up back in my bed in Oceanside any moment. And then there are the days where everything seems hard. Days where survival is all you can hope for. And to the world you feel… well invisible.

After three great weeks in Israel I came back to Paris and found myself lost. Israel was a great gift and an opportunity to be once again a part of a group. To have a sense of belonging. To be around people who understood me, laughed with me, and to work with people together as a team. Once upon returning to Paris- my normal office of about 30 people, has now dwindled down to 3 plus me. Most people are back in the states visiting family and at a large conference held each year. The friends I have in Paris- have skipped off on vacations of their own- and I was left feeling completely alone- unseen to the world around me.

After stuck in the ugly rut the last few days I was determined to get myself out of my apartment and into the city today. My main mission was to make it to the “la Marais Dance Center.” I had been here once before in passing and it seemed magical. I would love to take classes here but they charge 18 Euros a class and that is a bit too much for me. However, I thought if I made it to this place today, I would once again feel inspired. When I discovered this center the first time, the courtyard was filled with people sitting out and drinking mojitos, and a variety of music coming from all around the square of different classes in secession from jazz, to hip hop, and even bollywood.

This is the courtyard of the dance center. In the upper part of the building is where all of the dance classes are held.

Today when I arrived, the atmosphere was quite different. The once full café in the courtyard, was now an empty patio with three couples lingering over their brunch. The music that was once encompassing the entire quarter was muted with the sole sound of classical piano music. I turned around and looked up to see a ballet bar class taking place. Each girl was dressed in a black leotard with their hair pinned back in a perfectly neat bun. With a wide smile spread across my face, I watched the girls lift their arms and demi-plié and was taken to a place filled with joy and peace.

Entranced by their movement, I stood in awe of their beauty and grace. I wondered how long each girl had been dancing, and what brought them to this place today. Was it because it was what they have always done? Are they coming to the famous dance center for instruction from a special teacher? Or are they beginners, trying to learn and discover something new?

While watching the girl in the center of the class, the instructor approached her to adjust her body and movements. The instructor then peered out the window, smiled, and waved at me. Unsure if the wave was actually to me – or the girl standing on the stairs behind me, I simply nodded and smiled back. A few moments later the girl behind me was now gone and the instructor again looked at me and said, “Ca va?” To which I replied, “Ca va .”

I continued to watch the class as they danced- studying their movements and appreciating their dedication. But also part of me wanted to linger to be recognized by the instructor once again. It may seem like a small gesture to say hello but there really is power within it. She may not have realized it, but by saying hello while she tweaked and instructed the ballerina’s, she taught me something too. She helped me today for the first time in a while, realize that in this big city, I too am visible.